Write a list of satirical or intimidating instructions in the second person about how to be a writer

First, you need to come up with a character. Any character will do, but you have to make him interesting. Or her. You have to give them a past. And there has to be a source of conflict. Maybe your character has two personalities. Maybe more. And you have to give them a family, friends, something to fight for. Or not fight for - that's the conflict, you see. You also need to think about setting. You can't have a character without a place. That's where they do things. You want to make it a nice place or a not-so-nice place, but you have to remember that people don't want to read depressing things all the time, so go easy on that sort of thing. You'll probably want a villain or something in the same place. Conflict - that's what it's all about. The villain wants the girl - or maybe the guy - that's up to you of course, it's a creative process. Maybe your villain hates the hero. One of the hero's personalities. Maybe all of them. You have to make them think maybe the hero won't win. Maybe he doesn't win - how's that for a twist? You've got to have a twist. Maybe the villain is the hero. Or the girl. It's up to you, like I said. The most important thing is, you've got to be original. You have to make it new, put your stamp on it. Just do everything I've said and you'll do great.